Jan. 21st, 2007

I went out of the front gate and started walking up the road towards the shop. Shortly I noticed that about 30 or 40 metres away, by the traffic lights, was a dark mass lying on the edge of the road, cars steering round it as they passed. A few seconds later, I got close enough to realise that it was someone's discarded coat, rather than a small child or something. Thinking to help out, without stepping out onto the  A60, I sort of lean out and kick the garment back onto the pavement out of the way. I'm then surprised to see a bank card and a shop loyalty card spill out across the floor, as I figured this was a coat someone had discarded. I pick them up, check the name - a Miss Lewis - and check for other pockets to see if there's any other identification. What now? Do I phone the police, who will probably just tell me to take it into the station? Do I take it with me to the shop and then into town with me later? Or take it home first?

A second later, back down the road the way I came, I hear a voice squawk "DAT'S MAH COORT!". I look, and see two women approaching, one repeating "DAT'S MAH COOORT!" in her West-Indies-meets-Estuary-English patois, looking somewhat indignant. Maybe it was because I kicked it - but it was in the middle of the fucking road! And how do I know she's not just decided to steal this, having seen bankcards go flying and my apparent hesitance to do anything with it. As she approaches, I do what I think is reasonable; I look at the bank card and ask, "what's your name?"

"GIVE MEH MAH COOORT!" she shrieks at me, snatching the goods out of my hands. "ITS MAHN... 'SEEFEN GOT MAH HOUSEKEYS INNIT" she says, verily producing a set of keys in a pocket I must have missed among its exorbitantly puffy folds. "I just wanted to check that it was yours", I say. She shrieks something again, certainly of little consequence, and then seems to calm down - albeit an almost inperceptible amount - when she realises I am not some sort of Gothic coat-scavenger. "Ok, ok" I say, walking off, wondering how the hell the coat got into the middle of the road 100m away from her in the first place, and why unrepentantly stupid people like that are allowed bank accounts.

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