memories

[thedarkproject]

I don't like change. Too often it seems to be a way of obscuring the memories of things I hold dear. I see people renovating shops and demolishing buildings and changing roads and before long I forget what used to be there, and the things I did in that place.

And I often think life is moving along too fast. I was just thinking today about something I remembered so clearly that it seemed fairly recent, yet when I thought about it, it must have been at least 9 years ago. The same goes for some of the odder dreams I had, which are about 15 years old now. And stuff from 2 or 3 years ago may as well be yesterday, in many cases. It's strange how the mind works, but mainly I'm just worried that the years are just flying by and I don't have much to show for them.

Comments

[jen-whitewave.livejournal.com]

If I was in a better frame of mind I'd like to have responded to this, but as it is, it's probably better if I don't!

[thedarkproject]

One thing I had in mind which is vaguely connected to you, is that I can't remember at all what used to be where the Boots library is now. Yet I walked past that spot 4 times a day for 18 months. Ridiculous.

[jen-whitewave.livejournal.com]

I know there used to be some kind of uni cafe there, but it was the library by the time I moved to Nottingham.

[theladyskye.livejournal.com]

I feel like that too sometimes, more often of late, which makes me wonder if an era or a time is coming to an end. I have been reflecting on a lot of memories of late - not doing much with them, just turning them over in my hands and listening to them for awhile. I visited my hometown a few weeks ago and had the strange feeling that it was barely recognizable anymore. Things had changed that were such a fixture in those memories. It almost seemed blasphemous that certain haunts were gone altogether. It made me feel old and sad and kind of like I no longer belonged to that place, or it to me.

[thedarkproject]

When I went home over Christmas, the presence of a new shopping centre where once there were derelict buildings meant nothing to me, but the fact that they'd started building a whole new set of houses on the quarry and hillside where I'd played once as a kid... that was sad, even though I'd only actually been there 2 or 3 times. I doubt I'll ever see pictures of how it used to be and once it's gone from memory, it's gone forever.

[distorted-rage.livejournal.com]

Ben, your sounding a bit old and scary :P

[thedarkproject]

Em, I am old and scary. Didn't you know this yet? ;)

[distorted-rage.livejournal.com]

I just never realised you were *that* old and scary :P

[thedarkproject]

You know I can remember a couple of things from the 70s? Is that scary? :)

[distorted-rage.livejournal.com]

*cowers*

But grr, you were born at the right time, i always blamed my parents for having me too late and as a result i managed to miss *all* the decent bands. Or at least the original line ups on the classics.

[thedarkproject]

Maybe, but then I doubt half the bands you like really appealed to me when I was younger. (Or even now :P )

[fiendil.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but it's the drugs that meant you can't remember most of the 70's. It's that you can remember the 60's that scares people.

[cristiex.livejournal.com]

as i grow older the years seem to get shorter. i remember as a kid where summer break seemed like an eternity, yet this past year, it went by in a flash that i hardly recall. maybe its the noteworthy events that make things stick. i dunno. i just feel old

[thedarkproject]

Yeah, that's definitely it. I suppose we've gone from a year being over 10% of our lives when we really young, to it being less than 4% now. On top of that, we're busier too. No good!

[morbid-fixation.livejournal.com]

i definately agree with "I was just thinking today about something I remembered so clearly that it seemed fairly recent, yet when I thought about it.."

i've been somewhat nostalgic as of late, and i have found that a few events that happened several years ago still feel so close in time.

[thedarkproject]

I suppose it could be a sign of an efficient memory, remembering important things from long ago and getting rid of the useless stuff from more recently. But then it leads me to wonder whether pretty much all I do these days is 'useless stuff', best forgotten.

[fiendil.livejournal.com]

From the Hagakure:

" It is said that what is called "the spirit of an age" is something to which one cannot return. That this spirit gradually dissipates is due to the world's coming to an end. In the same way, a single year does not have just spring or summer. A single day, too, is the same.

For this reason, although one would like to change today's world back to the spirit of one hundred years or more ago, it cannot be done. Thus it is important to make the best out of every generation. This is the mistake of people who are attached to past generations. They have no understanding of this point.

On the other hand, people who only know the disposition of the present day and dislike the ways of the past are too lax. "

And yeh, I get freaked when I think about something I did that was fun, then think "That was nearly 15 years ago. Why the hell haven't I done that since?"

[thedarkproject]

It's nice how they slipped the end of the world in there. Not to worry us or anything.

There are a few activities I've not done in the last decade or more (eg. roleplaying, martial arts, any significant fiction writing) that I'd love to get back to, but finding the time is a nightmare. And then there are other more ephemeral things that I don't think I could even put into words, never mind reclaim. Either way, what I'm worried about is that I could be thinking the same way in another 10 years' time, and have achieved nothing between now and then, having learned nothing from the present situation.

[fiendil.livejournal.com]

I read that as more of an "everything's finite, everything ends, including the world" rather than any sort of "oh god, here comes armageddon" thing. Bear in mind the Hagakure was written somewhere around 1700AD.

I want to do what we did in my summers in my teens, and take a car across France, up to the Alps, and go stomping up the mountains. And I want to go back in the spring for some skiing as well.

One thing I tend to do is accumulate small pockets of friends who don't have anything to do with each other here and there, do my best to see them on a regular basis, but don't have any coherancy to it. There's only two periods I can think of in my life when I've had a group that I would automatically default to for social activities. I do miss those times.

And there's stuff that I know I should be a lot better at by now. And stuff that I should have sorted out by now. By the age I'm at, my dad had been married about 4 years, had 2 spawn, had at least one profession, and owned his own house.

[thedarkproject]

You're probably right about the world ending. ;)

I don't really have a social group at the moment unless you count the people I see when I'm out, which I don't.

I'm glad to have no house ownership or kids! But in terms of a career - though I dislike the concept generally - I could and should have done better really. I think I will do so, eventually.

[fiendil.livejournal.com]

I want the house bit. My own space to do my own thing to, and so that the money being paid into the black hole eventually turns back into mine, rather than being in the pocket of various landlords.

This has been said before that it's harder for the current generation to sort out their career and lives because of the shift to the service sector, because of the information overload, because jobs have become more unstable.

[thedarkproject]

I think expectations about 'careers' need to change a bit, really. We have lots of people doing degrees with which there's little chance of getting a relevant job. Personally though, I could have been sorted out ages ago, if I'd just had the right frame of mind.

[fiendil.livejournal.com]

Heh. There's too many people doing degrees full stop. Less degrees, more vocational shit.

I'd have been better off doing something vocational rather than my degree, but I wouldn't pass up the social opportunity for anything.

[thedarkproject]

If they funded universities based more on their vocational contributions instead of their research qualities, then we might have a better situation all round.